I can speak of breaking a few generational cycles because I’ve lived them. I am now able to identify that childhood abandonment has been in my family trait for generations. It caused me to have childhood trauma. So I knew I had to break this vicious cycle to make sure my children no longer suffer the same childhood trauma that I did.
I had no idea that I was suffering from a generational cycle that had caused issues for my two teenagers growing up as well. I see a difference because my youngest daughter would not accept anything but what she needed from me-cuddles and love. When my older two were younger, I would push them away or find a way to be working so someone else would be the one they received care from. What that did to me was cause jealousy because what my mom could not give to me, she was willing and able to give to my children so the cycles continued until I decided this has to stop with me.
I was very unhappy when I found out I was pregnant with my third child because I never knew how to give love to my other two and I didn't want to bring another child into the world with jealousy and anger in my heart even though wanted to love.
The ability to be affectionate was a challenging experience for me. As a child, being nurtured was not a big part of my upbringing. Hugging was not seen and being told I love you were not normal. It was just supposed to be a known fact. Therefore, as an adult for many years, holding hands, saying I love you, being supportive, and giving hugs was a big issue.
It took me a long time to break this cycle. By taking baby steps, even though being affectionate would feel weird at times, I managed to keep doing it anyway until I felt comfortable. When children are not nurtured, this can cause all kinds of emotional issues in their adulthood. So, ending this cycle was very beneficial for my children and me.
I had so many issues with needing to be in control that my children suffered often. I was always tired and would not let them into my space often.
I am so grateful for my husband who made a point of always saying “I love you" every time we finished a conversation- no matter what. It felt weird in the beginning and then it became more natural. I sometimes feel myself saying these things to my children, but it's still a work in progress. I see change happening daily and I am working on saying I love you more to them and hugging them more for it’s important for their precious lives.
Cycles are being broken in my home! Training yourself to change your thinking is a habit worth having. I choose life. What about you?
If this resonates with you, feel free to join my free community here where I serve African-American women who are seeking to heal from chronic pain while breaking generational cycles and releasing trauma.
I would love to be able to serve you on a deeper level to help you move toward the healing you are looking for so you can have a lifetime of wellness. If this is you, go ahead and schedule an Introductory Call so we can introduce ourselves to see how I can be of service to you.
Also, feel free to get my Healing E-Motions Journal so you can begin writing down your feelings in those moments where triggers rise. This will help you begin to manage and control your feelings on a greater level.